what good is a list?

I make lists…..to-do lists. daily.

Plans, things I wish to accomplish every day; daily, weekly, sometimes, monthly.

Unfortunately, things also change….a lot of time, daily.

As I’ve said, three kids, two are autistic.

One is pretty independent. One, seems to be getting worse, and more and uncontrollable, unpredictable.

On good days, training is whatever it is, 15K, sometimes 5K, sometimes inbetween.

On other days, well, lots of this……

On the good days…sure, a run, a swim, a ride, maybe a swim…but some days, well, derailments happen.

You do whatever you can do; when you can.

You improvise.

Monday, a planned run becomes a spin on the bike trainer while trying to figure out Zwift.

Tuesday, ditto……a plan, not a good day, so a little yoga and back on the bike.

It’s not the same as a run, there is some endurance, but it’s something.

Today, a work day – I am a part time worker after all – and too much coffee is the excuse.

Tomorow we’ll see.

Right now all looks good, the stars may be aligned, so; making plans for a run, any run, something, anything…….and then let’s jump into the pool, to just do something, anything…….it’d be a start.

I recently read this, “wrestling against inertia to break out of old routines and take that first gutsy step on the path to wellness. And oh, how we haul out every excuse to put off starting….because in front of every step to wellness is a psychological pile of steaming self doubt”

That pretty much explains me right now….every day is a new start, every day there’s another excuse, and the next day, start again. Somedays the excuse is valid, most days, it’s just that inertia thing, over and over again.

I do have a goal, a concrete goal, Vancouver, Half Marathon May 1st……

I know the route to get there, I know what I have to do, and besides hill repeats, I do have a huge psychological hill to climb over, it’s almost like that well known wall, brick wall?….

Do I just keep pounding my head again, and again into that wall, with hope that at some point I get through it? Inspiration, motivation, I’ve gone through everything I know that usually inspires, but that hasn’t been working out so good…so far

The journey of this frustraited runner continues……another beginning…and hope for the best.

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