Not happy, not a happy morning……

there was a plan this morning…

a short 7K trail race, a group of friends meeting to drive me to the start to make sure I actually went, and well, a rough night, didn’t sleep, and at 5AM I messaged everyone to go on without me!….maybe I should have , could have….just split minute decision, and well, just another day...of many many days…if you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, it’s been almost a decade of this stuff….I just cannot get over this hurdle…….maybe I should seek professional help?

Frustrating….it was a short run, not anything I had to do fast..…….I could have just gone, had fun…but again, second guessing myself, no confidence, I need to find motivation, or just not think.

I have got to figure this out, and decide what I want to do?…and work my way through…..gotta get my head on straight……something..somehow…..maybe it’s age?

I had such a good start to the week……a couple of great runs, a really nice spin on Thursday the bike …..good, a good start, and then today, my get up and go just wasn’t there…..

I know the ride on Thursday took a little bit out of me….it was first long ride in a very long time….I was pretty burned out for most of Friday, and a long long day at the store Friday didn’t help….a day on my feet is always a challenge…

Some days it feels like I’m putting too much pressure on myself, maybe I need a pressure relief vavle of some sort?

I have made a change..instead of a half marathon on August 21st, I’ve stepped back to the 10K……and in October, a half marathon in Victoria…that’ll be fine…I’ll save the full marathon for the spring…in Vancouver?

Doing that frees me up, I can add in more cross training..I can save my Thursday for riding……and just relax..

I do have few other runs I want to do, races……..but, well….just training and focus on nothing right now, seems like the right thing to do….

I need a good re-set of some sort….today, I guess rethink, and reboot…..

work on that motivation, and get my ass out the door…..

I also need to make some connections…find my old group…..have some reason to just go and get outside…

Yesterday someone said I’d inspired her to get going…to join a gym, to sign up for runs, to have fun….so I can inspire others, myself, not so much…….why not?

there’s got to be a way to change this..it’s been too long….I had no problem racing in Vancouver (maybe it was because there was no pressure?)……so why did that work, and not today…is it because I was at home?

So, today….schedule, schedule…find some way to take the pressure off, release stress…..and instead of thinking, just do?…….It seems I dread stuff now, and not look forward to getting out and going..making a plan