I don’t know why this has hit me hard today, or maybe I do.

One of my co-workers commited suicide earlier this year, someone I hired when I was the boss falla.

When I learned of his passing, yes, sad, terrible, a young man, the world ahead of him, but, yeah, fentanyl.

I’d heard he suffered from depression, I know he gave up his career as an EMT, he found it just too stressful, and he relocated from Vancouver to Edmonton to start again, and was having trouble finding his place in the world….was struggling, but always seemed so positive, and supportive. An upbeat guy…..you never know?

https://www.remembering.ca/obituary/travis-brown-1084131523

September 10th is Suicide Prevention Day…….

we all have those days right? But is it depression? Depression I think is something that is so misunderstood, mental health, some people show distain for the terms, some believe it’s all fake, and people should just toughen up…..but that ignores the reality.

I remember someone I once ran with occasionally explaining that to me……it’s not just being depressed and something that could be helped with a cup of tea, a warm bath……it’s lying in bed unable to move or brush their teeth for days…..or maybe not that, maybe everything on the outside everything looks great, while underneath, the world is falling apart…….

I don’t know answers, but, support, encouraging people to engage….reach out, and watch out for each other.

In the case of Travis, was there anything anyone could have done? There’s a song I’ve always loved, but the words, I wish there was something we could have done, hit hard…….

And, we all have those moments right? It may be hard to understand how we turn that around, and how hard it must be for those that can’t, that deep dark hole……

I know, I understand that the head is a series of connections, synapses that even science doesn’t entirely understand, a mind, consciousness…how is it some have hope, and some don’t……what is hopelessness? Why do seemingless the well-off people fall to this, while those that you’d think would, homeless? don’t?

Yesterday evening was another amazing day…..topped off with a great evening run….I feel good, if tired, and am thinking random thoughts….I did have plans to run, strength train, maybe bike…I may just plan dinner, maybe run later this evening, or maybe tomorrow evening…..

I do understand schedules, training plans, I also understand me, my age, and my goals……recovery and rest…..diet, and life. I had planned on stairs or hill repeats today, but, well, even after yesterday’s 5K, I knew today, I needed a good night’s sleep……and today, get ready for Friday and the weekend.

so for this weekend, aiming at the half marathon on the 9th of October

Friday	Strength training in AM 5K run evening	And selling shoes in-between
Saturday	Run Club Run another 5K ish A short bike ride	Introducing some to the joys of run club….and just riding for fun
Sunday	16 to 18K training	Long effortless distance run

I am stupid tired, and restless right now….so that’s a huge part of the process…otherwise, I have nothing really planned today……maybe a shower, and shopping…

w