Not so many DAYS from now?

yikes!

Feeling old, cold, sad, okay, concerned about the future, thinking about the past…where I’ve been, where I’m going…

A funeral this morning, and really amazing family friend that I kind of looked up to….he was a few years older than my father, but always fit, and a real gentleman that never seemed faized…nothing…always an easy smile…..always.

Something to strive to be?……He never had a bad word to say about anyone, also happy….exuded warm…actually, he and his late wife, his kids…….someone you wanted to be like…

I’m now old, and that will never be me. I always react, I always seem confused, depressed, and have no idea where I’m going or whuch way I should turn……64 years later still…how do you change that?

Yep, 20 days away from the big, tat big 6-4!….Ailing parents, handicapped adult children, a wife an older daughter, and yes, life isn’t bad, actually comfortable…but, well, yep, I see dark clouds ahead……

A happy household…not really…..can I change that? what do I do and how?….Is there a road map for this?

Feels like this is an important week, I don’t know…..I seem to be more worried about stuff than usual..and yes, I always worry…

I love my part time job at the Running Room selling shoes and running stuff…but is that about to disappear, and what do I do if that happens…..it’s been my home for 9 years…….and love it, my fave home away from home..maybe more than home…..

I’ve my clinics…1/2 marathon is half way through, the next Learn to Run starts up mid-January……both virtual with lots of emails and zoom meets….was thinking to myself, why not a Warren’s Learn to Run clinic in person?…hmmmmmm. How would I do that?

Run Clubs…I’m nervous…this winter weather is hurting a bit….numbers are down, and my enthusiasim is waining….my get up and go has left the station?…….I have been okay with sticking my head down and just pushing forward, and just hope for the best….but, well, heart is starting to sink. Sunday pretty through a sledge hammer through my heart….I can keep hope alive, keep encouraging as much as I can..promote and prompt…….but some days are soul sucking…

Maybe this is the dark nights, maybe it’s lack of sleep….maybe it’s me getting old…?

But looks like this is a time of reflection…….what do I want to do, what I can do…and family, life, work, how’s that all fit?