12 to 64….old, cold and lots to worry about…

Life feels like it’s about to slap me in the face.

” lines form on my face and hands?”

As I plan for 2023, I know any plans I have are about to be derailed…..aging parents that’ll need a lot of help, will need more, and more help, and want to stay in their home and not evening considering accomidations for seniors….which they should?….they can’t do stairs, they really can’t walk much, heart issues, shouldn’t and will not drive….so yeah, a seniors complex where the could socialize would be a benefit, and if something happens there’d be someone nearby would be comforting….

I have our adult autistic children at home….one’s okay on his own – highly functioning – and his future may be okay – just have to help find him a job/career. He’s an amazing creater on YouTube – but another challenge. … and a daughter that will need help for life…

I want to say the BMO in Vancouver in May, may happen, or I may just do a 5 Peaks trail race here in Edmonton instead..it may be more sensible….a trip return trip to Sinister 7 in Crows Nest Pas in July? Who knows….I’m even having trouble finding the time or the motiation to train for something that may or may not happen..

I know this is just life, and it happens to everyone, but I am losing sleep…..and yeah, depressing..

This was going to be that week I wake up at 5:30AM for short 5K runs on this dangerously cold mornings, every morning…..but I am just not sleeping, I’m worrying…..you know? You check the alarm to see how close you’re to having to wake up…and well, not sleeping..so waking up to run when it’s -400C just isn’t happening…..

January 1st is a dozen days away…will 2023 start with a thud, or optimism? I always hope for the best, but seriously, right now, I cannot plan for anything….frustraiting..

I just have to find some way to get my head out of my ass and do what I can do, when I can……

Maybe I won’t be able to commit to a race….maybe a spin here or there..some weight training, maybe swim…maybe not anything structured, but just do stuff for fun….just what I can?

I used to do that….just trained. and enjoyed it. Did stuff with people, just to do stuff…not to get fit, not to train for anything specific…..but just to have fun, just because I wanted to….it was more about social, being social than getting fit…I just liked doing it….maybe it’s time to get back to that….

Maybe starting tomorrow?……..unplanned, random, nothing actually scheduled….just day by day….instead of just watching TV…..or staring at a wall…..actually maybe less TV, maybe less of this onlne stuff…no more news or newspapers…just being me, and if when Vancouver or 5 Peaks or whatever comes along, if I’m into it, just do something…and maybe less shopping? and more family and friend time


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