I actually haven’t left my house (except for my back yard) since Thursday morning.

Yes, did some yard work, taught a couple Zoom run clinics, I had to mail a letter yesterday, and that was it.

Otherwise watching a lot of TV (binge watched the Mission Impossible movies so far)….drinking coffee, looking outside, and planning for, well, tomorrow, always tomorrow.

Life is overwelming….I really have no idea how to turn, whch way to go, what to do, where to reach out, how to dig myself out of this funk……

I keep planning out runs, biking, swim….just getting out and doing stuff, and just seem to be stuck.

I’m just not really up to doing anything…with anyone (just realized, other than family, I don’t have a friend)

I’ve given up on one of my run clubs…..everyone in it is pretty quick, and well, even if I take part (I’m not longer leading, I was kind of kicked out) I’d end up on my own anyway, so why bother…

I keep trying to spark and reboot myself…but a lot of the time it’s just me

I always remember the story of Johnny Carson…you think friends, he on the Tonight Show inspired so many, he helped launched so many careers…think everyone from an unknown comedian named David Letterman and beyond, he’s the reason why they are where they are now…but when he passed away, no one showed up at his funeral.

I know I’ve walked away from a lot of things, maybe that’s where I lost a lot of friends…..or sorta friends?….I know I’ve been bitten a few times, associated myself with people I thought were friends that turned out to be leeches….that just drug me down and away from things I loved……

I also walk away from things I don’t feel comfortable with….and at some point I finally decided, I’d do things for me…that I liked….if everyone else was turning left, I’d turn right……you know the locomotive and not the caboose….sometimes that got lonely…

But, well, I have a good family….wife, kids that parts okay, a challenge, but good….there’s issues, aging parents that were always either very strict and always in control, and controlling, now, aging and need a lot of help…..

But yeah, otherwise, lonely……really frozen in spot alone…..I feel like that movie where I may start talking to a soccer ball, or this lap top…..I have had a lot of really really low moments lately..I’ve actually broken down to reaching out to ChatGPT, and yeah, there was one thing it refused to help me with….but it does say to reach out and talk to a real person…so that’ll be next/soon

Today, I’ve already given up on the day……I may weed something in the garden….but right now, well, writing on the ASUS, watching the Eco-challenge on Amazon yet again, may just binge watch everything I can today that may involve things I like to do, like eco-challenge is close………maybe I’ll plan the rest of the week yet again…

I do have to get ready to instruct two more clinics with two more talks, and oddly enough, the topics, motivation, and the mental side of running?…….yeah, I can inspire others, but not my sorry own ass.

The Monkees once sang, tomorrow’s going to be another day?…….well, I’ve had another lot of days…..just too many are here, on my couch, not even out here on my own, in here on my own…….all by myself.