I wonder if this is part of getting older, and reflecting…

Seriously, I always to have a huge number of ups and downs, and where I end up always seems to depend on others rather than me?

Maybe?

At one point, at one point, I used to be the boss…….it was the best of times, it was the worst of times….

I likes staff, great staff, I liked hiring…..especially when it went well…am not sure if I was the best boss in the world, I hated being called the boss…and/or treated like the boss……and hated when I had to be…

I have to say over the 6 years I ran the place, I hired possibly the best 6 people I’ve ever met, and for a lot of those 6 years, life rocked…and yeah, I’m not sure if I should name names, but Nicole, Morgan, Alice, Tess, Christian, and Avery made my life fantastic…seriously the best of the best……I don’t know if they ever realized how important I felt they were..I know I said that often, but, I was a boss……..and well, way too often they reacted to me like I was…

Avery was the best…….I pretty much begged her to work for me……originally hired on for a special sales event, our sidewalk sale, and she was sooooo great…..did everyhing right, always positive and after having a few people on that I grew to dislike, she was the right person at the right time…..she thought she was hired for those 12 days..nope, after those 12 days were done, I just kept scheduling her……she was not happy, tried to quit, I would not let her……..she wanted the summer off, I was fine with that…..and yep, September came, and yep, back on the planner….

Then, well, Avery wanted to travel…..3 months…fine…she actually thought I was angry at her for that – little secret, I never get angry, and never at this crew of 4 – but, her buddy Tess was job hunting, and again, a perfect addition…so, yep, nope, Tess you thought 3 months, how about forever!…….Christiane was next….and she pretty much interviewed me….but with one question, she asked if she could have time off to train…she was hired for life!!!…….Alice came on board when Tess decided she needed to travel for 3 months…….Alice’s interview was a matter of me just asking when she could start!………She actually phoned Avery after that legendary interview to ask if she’d been hired!…LOL!

For ever, things were great…every day was perfect….and I let them and everyone I knew how good these 4 were…..on Facebook, my fellow managers….customers always let me know just how good they were……and yes, I did make one mistake…..employees, not friends………

and then it all fell apart…it turned horrible……I don’t know what happened or why?……things just turned awful….I somehow became the worst person on the planet…..the crew wee still great, but I somehow became the worst person on the planet, that boss everyone hated…and I don’t know why…..

I’m pretty good at holding this back, and not saying things…maybe I should have asked, but I don’t do that…and, I somehow lost the best time I had, ever….if you’ve read this blog for a while you know it doesn’t take long for me to turn a positive into a negative…….and not letting anyone know…..I always find it’s better if I just keep things to myself….

Yep, I stepped back from managing..I was sure if I hadn’t, the 4 best people I’d ever met would have quit, so I stepped back, and yeah, kept getting beat up ………and now, well, have walked away from a place that I loved….selling running shoes….

Yeah, it hurts, a lot…..but sometimes, I guess walking away is the righ thing to do?

2023, I’m 64……it’s now half way through March, what can I do to making life better…….I guess today’s blog is part of not keeping everything in….but, yep, I walked away, burnned bridges…..not sure how I fix this, how I repair my life….how do I look ahead and not backwards?………I need a road map, and, well……I think I still can look back and wonder…what the hell happened?