You know what?

This weekend, starting today, Is all about my trying to figure myself out.

‘I can recall a time when I could reach out to a friend.’

First thought today, I’m a morning person.

If I have something I want to, or need to do, I have to do it as soon as I wake up. And done by noon.

If I hesitate, or just sit on this couch in front of my TV, that’s where I’ll spend my day.

That’s me today…a run and a workout was planned…but, well, Sasha, my daughter was awake at 5AM, so, well, even though I struggled to try and sleep in for another 2 and a half hours, that didn’t work, I woke up tired, needed some warm fuzzy oatmeal and coffee inside me….and then this thing; a post on Facebook made my head explode, then I watched the news, read a newspaper, and that was it..now I’m blogging instead of getting my ass outside and running?..so things I have to ignore….

How do I change this?…..How do I get to know me, understand myself, and just do, instead of not doing.

What’s holding me back?…is it being 65 and being uncomfortable with that? Shyness? Anxiety? Social Anxiety?

I sometimes, and have had times when I didn’t really want people to see me out for a run or a walk…..but, there are times I’m hoping I can inspire others to get out for a run or a walk when they see me doing just that?….Weird huh?

Right now, this is going to sound stupid…..I’m waiting for a meeting at my bank to talk about my finances at 2:30PM. It’s currently 11AM….and I won’t go out for a 30 minute run because of that. I have 3 and a half hours to wait, but it’s like I’m stuck in concrete and won’t move until then……

Why is that?…I have all of the time in the world. What is holding me back, and how do I break this habit?

I do like structure, I do make lists….I plan my days, and if one thing doesn’t happen, that house of cards falls apart.

Are there drugs that could fix this?

I think I know I have to give myself a break….just roll with day to day, and understand myself….

Trust myself?…..and I guess I have to find a way to spark myself every morning?

I don’t know how to do that?

I keep thinking I need a life coach, I keep searchig to see if there’s an EI life coach option….maybe giving me a list of must does for each and every day…..would that be an answer..

I know, I know, I have to reach out and become more social..and do what I did over a decade ago..JUST DO IT!

I’ve written before that I know I have to do that….social isolation isn’t a good thing…

Maybe I just need a parent to tell me to get the hell out of the house?

Yes, it’s not even lunch time, and I’ve already written today off….I’ve got to find a way to fix that…

But, well, as I tell myself, every day is a day to start again, and to get better….and again to give myself a break if things don’t work out the way I wanted…

Forgiving myself

I’ve been watching this series of videos called The Older Athelete Series on YouTube a lot, that’s helping..but yeah the creator says social isolation is bad, so I’ll have to fix that part…..which is a bit about what I need to do to fix myself…..stop be so isolated, to not be so the lonely of the long distance runner……socialize……and connect with old old friends…

Maybe I’ll make that a goal for this weekend..