Not my best moment. Dad has a melt down.

So, yeah…my daughter is autistic, a challenge, an adult, 30ish, but a lot of time it’s like she has the terrible 2s.

She’s on the needs a lot of mentle support of the spectrum….and some days, just does not listen.

Some days I’m not sure if difficult because, or because she’s just being what she is, who she is, or, can I say it, just being a jerk…..

That was today/this morning.

But, I became one….I became a little unhinged, or maybe a lot unglued…involved milk, two classes, and a lot of spilling, and when I demanded only 1 glass, well, yeah…..not good…….I yellled a lot…

Was it just that?….I had planned on an early morning run this morning….after a restless sleep, decided sleep was more important, but yeah frustraited…

Then, oh yeah, it’s my turn to do dishes, clean out the dishwasher, a couple of loads of laundry and clean the kitchen before making waffles because it’s what I do……would it be out of the question to put the breakfast away and wipe off a table and counter before my wife went to work this morning?…is that expecting too much?

So yeah, wasn’t in my happy place from the starting line….

I get it. my wife works, I’m kind of semi-retired (run clinics, run clubs, run events, so still working) so yes, house chores, I’ll do them…inside and outside, but it’s gotten to the point where it’s all on me (yes I’m venting)……but, it would be nice to wake up one morning and not have to start cleaning the first thing – those bread crumbs don’t magically disappear!

Finished off a learn to run/5K clinic this morning after breakfast/before melt down that was great….45 minutes of me talking, interacting with other runners, instructing, answering questions…it’s what I do, so I was happy for about 45 minutes..and then kaboooom!

Sometimes life is like this I guess……but, not good……..

I’m going on strike a little, and no, I’m not making lunch!…the grilled cheese sandwiches can make themselves….

A walk was planned, and again, not happening…another spouce/caregiver issue….I’m home with the daughter Wednesdays and some Saturdays..I plan to keep her active, go for walks, help her get fit….but

for the rest of the week, that’s not happening, so when I want to, there’s usually a fight, and well, no walks, to outside time….so frustraiting….I need to find some way to get everyone on side…

As well as an issue (I hate calling autism a mental health issue, it just is…its like being left handed) there’s a health and fitness issue…nutrition, and active…..she used to be active, now not so much….she’s now become a sedentary, milk, grilled cheese sandwich, pizza, McDonalds, deep fried fish sticks person…which, what?

But, well…’s an issue all around…..

Can I say I love my kids, and want them to be better….and my wife too (she does not understand and thinks anything beyond driving to the grocey store is nonsense)……is this the definition of frustraition….grrrrr

Too many days end up like this…me in one room, or outside doing stuff, and everyone else, elsewhere….and this drags me down too…..I should have run, done some drills, planks, foam roller, whatever, but just get so wound up, I just say f – it, and you know, set my sights on Sunday to try again..

At some point, the point of this blog was to strategize, get back and to where I want to be, and I want the whole family back… wife and daughter are at the point where booking a room at a hotel connected to West Edmonton Mall is a vacation…..for me Vacation is ocean and running and biking and walking and hiking….we all used to do that….I don’t see that happening again ever again….ever?

So a vent……..the story continues….tomorrow I’ll get back to running…….

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